My Dad

My Dad died on September 10, 2024 at the age of 77. Fourteen years ago he was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, likely from exposure to Agent Orange during the Vietnam War. A few years ago he was also diagnosed with dementia. Anyone who has known someone affected by these diseases knows the slow slide away from reality and the terrible disconnect between brain and body that completely changes the person. My Mom was his full-time caregiver for the past several years, a taxing role that consumed her life. It was not the retirement they both hoped for. 

We knew that he didn't have much time left, but it's always a surprise when the end really comes. Saying that it's a huge life adjustment for my Mom, and the rest of us, going from a family unit of 5 to 4, is an understatement.

That's me sitting on my Dad's lap! Can you tell it was the 80s?

My Dad had seven siblings, can you imagine? (Eight kids! Catholics, amirite?) He was always good with babies, raising me and my brother and sister, but also from growing up with abundant babies in the house. My grandparents owned a milk products business, making butter and cheese. This is how I learned that white cheddar and yellow cheddar are actually the same thing: yellow cheddar just has coloring in it. The building still exists and is run by the family as a deli; check out The Cheese Shop if you're ever in Ottawa, Illinois. (And if you are ever there and are not related to me... why?)

Dad and baby Cora

My Dad graduated from the Culinary Institute of America (the other CIA) in a time when buffet art was a thing. Picture animals made out of meat, cheese and fruit fanned out in intricate patterns. Later, knowing he was likely to be drafted, he joined the Army and was sent to Vietnam. After a period of time clearing the jungle, some higher-ups got wind that they had a verified CIA graduate on their hands, and a helicopter landed one day, whisking him away to a much better job as a chef.

Dad and Mary

For the majority of his career, he worked as an Executive Chef at large hotels. I remember Easters and Thanksgivings when I was a kid spent in hotel dining rooms; my Mom would bring us all there when he was working on big holidays. When people hear about his culinary training and career, they always make a comment like, "Wow, you must have eaten well at home!" Well, no; my Mom cooked us most meals. I completely get not wanting to come home and continue to do your job! Sometimes he would make pizza dough or big batches of pasta sauce, but we certainly never got an artistic buffet spread.

Dad and baby Mary

After he retired, he finally had time to put his creativity into action, and took oil painting classes. He probably would have continued to paint had Parkinson's not taken away his hand-eye coordination. I'm so glad that I was the lucky recipient of his artistic gene. My Dad and I went to see the National Symphony Orchestra, and Sarah Brightman singing opera, when the rest of my family deemed classical music too boring (i.e., not a sport). He was a fan of Edith Piaf and history, when he could find time to read.

Dad and his mom, my grandma who died only 5 years ago at the age of 100

I grew up with both my Dad and Mom working in the yard. On the weekends he was often outside mowing the grass or planting flowers, trees, and shrubbery. (I just wanted to say "shrubbery.") He was always interested in my flower growing. One of the last times he visited our house and was able to confidently walk, I showed him around all my gardens, and he recognized most of the flower varieties.

I was there with my Mom when he died, and wow, let me tell you about something that can give you perspective. So here's a reminder that life doesn't always turn out the way we want. Take advantage of your abilities while you have them: make the art, hike the trail, visit that place you've always wanted to see but never could make the plans. And if you have a good relationship with your parents, give them a call. 

Checking In: Summer 2024

If you have young children, and it's summer, you know why I have been MIA for 2 months! This summer has been a blur of camp drop offs, pick ups, water days, wet towels, overnights, car rides, packing and unpacking, all while trying to retain our full-time jobs and not melt into a puddle of goo with 100+ degree temperatures and 90% humidity.

As usual, I have been seeking water. From creeks to lakes, if there is water, I want to be near it. (I'm not the biggest ocean fan, though, I prefer fresh water.) There is one more week until school starts, which we will be spending (surprise!) on a lake.

And if it's not water, it's flowers. You could say that this has been my most successful flower season ever in that I have sold nearly every stem coming out of my gardens. I have gone from five subscriptions in my first year to over 30, now in year three. I don't have a lot of space so this is pretty much the maximum I can handle, and it has been stressful at times to eek out the right number of bouquets each week. I have a lot of thinking to do this winter about what changes I want to make so that I don't get burnt out or resentful of my little side job.

I also finished a pair of socks; no pattern as usual, after knitting probably 50 pairs I have the process memorized and just make it up as I go along. This is 3x1 rib and the yarn is from Into the Whirled, which I got at Maryland Sheep and Wool a few years ago.

And that's my check in for now! In no time at all we'll be back to cooler temperatures, waiting for the school bus, and cleaning up our gardens for the winter.

Reading Lately: Women's Prize Longlist 2024

 

I've read half of the Women's Prize Longlist for 2024! That is probably going to be all I read, to be honest, as I only wanted to read the titles I initially found interesting. I watched several reaction videos when the longlist was first announced, with many readers expressing annoyance at how so many of these titles were unknown or seemingly came out of nowhere. But, I was happy to see so many less-famous titles and be introduced to new authors and settings. The winner has now been announced, and it is Brotherless Night by V.V. Ganeshananthan. I wholeheartedly agree with this selection!

Here are my thoughts, from favorite to least favorite:

Soldier Sailor by Claire Kilroy: This is the most accurate portrayal of motherhood to a young child that I have ever read. The husband drove me nuts (which I think was the point). If you are a parent, read this to feel seen, and if you don't have kids, read this to know what parents are going through. Really, nothing has captured the conflict between the exhaustion of parenting, loss of self, and love for a child better.

Brotherless Night by V.V. Ganeshananthan: This book takes place mostly during the 1980s when the Sri Lankan civil war began and intensified. Following Sashi and her family (she has four brothers, referenced in the title), we see the impact of the war on a Tamil family and read of their various levels of involvement. Sashi is pulled in two directions, wanting to continue her education to become a doctor, and her loyalty to her brothers and a cause she doesn't always support. I learned so much about this time and place; the writing is accessible and I think most every reader would get something out of this book.

River East, River West by Aube Rey Lescure: I write about this more in length in my last reading post; I really enjoyed this coming of age story that spanned generations in Shanghai.

Ordinary Human Failings by Megan Nolan: This did not make the shortlist, but wish it had! After a horrific crime occurs, the family involved hides away in a hotel but is preyed upon by a tabloid journalist trying to get a scoop. We read about the family's history in Ireland and how that history impacts present-day events. I thought this was quite well written and I felt engaged with the characters. This was a perfect mix between slow family drama, and a plot that moves the book forward.

The Maiden by Kate Foster: This book falls lower on my list not because it wasn't a great read, but because I didn't think it was quite up to prize level. The story of a woman in the middle ages accused of killing her lover, this book was so much fun.

Restless Dolly Maunder by Kate Grenville: While I found Dolly's story fascinating, I didn't enjoy the writing style. There is barely any dialogue in this book, and a lot of "and then they did this, and then they moved there." Dolly is a forceful woman in a time where women didn't have a lot of opportunities. Based on a real person, Dolly makes her own life in turn of the century Australia, succeeding in business and taking her family along for the ride. 

Enter Ghost by Isabella Hammad: The setting in Palestine makes this a very timely read, and I did think that the theme of belonging was carried out successfully. Sonia is Palestinian, but lives in Britain and has a Dutch mother. She returns for a visit to Palestine and ends up acting in a production of Hamlet in the West Bank. While I did find the examination of place to be interesting, ultimately I was bored by a lot of this book and didn't think any of the characters were developed besides Sonia and the play's director, Miriam.

The Wren, The Wren by Ann Enright: I know a lot of readers enjoyed this book, and even have it among their favorites, but I could not get into it. I didn't connect with either of the main characters, a mother and daughter. I would call this a "quiet book" where not a lot happens, and truthfully after reading it a month ago I have forgotten most of it. I thought the theme of family connections and the impact of older generations on the younger was very similar to the theme of Ordinary Human Failings, which in my opinion was much more successful.

This was the first time I attempted to read a prize list; would I do it again? I think the Women's Prize was the perfect selection for me, and I will potentially do it again next year depending on the longlist. It was a fun experience because it seemed like I was part of a huge book club and I had much more interest in the selection of the winner. If you haven't read a prize list before, I urge you to go for it!

The Great Big World

Right after I published my last post, I saw that Jeremy at Read More Books had written about two books that are probably a lot more articulate about the flattening of culture. Check out his post!

Sometimes I avoid starting a blog post because I think it has to be paragraphs and paragraphs with tons of photos. That amount of work is overwhelming - so I'm going to make this one a short one, and hopefully relieve some of that pressure and post more often!

About every 5 years I convince my employer to pay for me to attend a conference, and you better believe I choose that conference based entirely on where it is located. This year, I found one in Portland, Oregon, a city and state I have always wanted to visit. The conference itself was held in what I can only term the "dungeon" of a hotel, rooms with no windows, dim lighting, and visible air ducts. And they didn't even give us a free totebag! The Portland weather was typically rainy, which hardly mattered due to the lack of windows. 

I enjoyed the city but didn't see much of it, spending my time as a dungeon-dweller 9 hours a day. I visited Powells, the largest used bookstore in the world, but other than that, I missed many of the main attractions. I didn't mind because that's not what I was looking forward to; after the conference ended I headed out to see the more wild parts of the state (and neighboring Washington.)

I lucked out SO MUCH on the weather. For the remainder of the fun part of my vacation, the skies were clear and sunny. I visited Cape Disappointment in Washington, then drove down (over the extremely terrifying Astoria Bridge) to Cannon Beach in Oregon.

I was in awe of this beautiful place. Most of the time, I could hardly believe I was there. Pretty much all I did was walk around - over 90,000 steps over the course of the week! I'm not a big foodie (most of my meals came from Safeway) and I'm not a big shopper, so walking along trails and the beach was the best I could ask for.

Next I turned myself around and drove east, back through Portland to the Columbia River Gorge. As a waterfall lover, I was in heaven! My first stop was Multnomah Falls, which is the tallest waterfall in Oregon. From the bottom it was easy to look up and say, sure, I'll walk up to the top, but about switchback 11 of 17 (they were helpfully labeled) I was starting to regret my decision. I always finish what I start, though, and almost 1000 vertical feet later I was looking down at the falls from the top.

I also sampled Horsetail Falls, Wakena Falls, and Bridal Veil Falls, most of which also involved a great deal of up and downhill walking. The next day my calves froze and I hobbled around, but it was worth it.

On my final full day, I achieved a life-long goal of walking part of the Pacific Crest Trail! I have long been obsessed with long-distance hiking (mainly reading about other people doing it), and the PCT is the ultimate beautiful long trail at 2,650 miles. I hiked a connecting trail up to the PCT and hiked to Lake Gillette.

It was nearly 90 degrees that day, and a lot of the trail wasn't shaded, but I powered through because how often does one get to hike the PCT?? I sat by the cool stream above to have my lunch. When I finally returned to my car, I was completely sweat-soaked and dehydrated, but because I still had to return the rental car and take a shuttle to my airport hotel, I spent the next several hours very gross, and I'm sorry to everyone at Safeway who passed by me later that day!

This was an amazing trip that I will forever be thankful for. It seems like whenever I travel, something goes wrong - bad weather, long waits, delayed flights, weird noises in hotel rooms. On this trip, the forces of the universe must have aligned because nothing went wrong.

Oregon is now one of my favorite states, and I will definitely be back!

Against Sameness

I'm not sure if you are aware: a very famous pop star released a new album last week. Now, I have nothing against said pop star, but think, have you heard of any other albums being released lately? Surely, that must have happened?? (Other than Beyonce's.) I have been struggling with sameness, a consequence of this hyper-connected society. What is happening to our collective creativity when all of our inputs are the same? This article explains how the publishing industry is basically run on celebrity memoirs and Colleen Hoover. Now, as a reader I have not had difficulty finding boundless wonderful books to capture my attention. But how many more talented authors are not being published because they don't have social media reach, or are writing in styles other than the most popular? Aren't we all missing out?

There has been a lot of talk recently about artists being paid for their work. Many are using platforms like Substack and Patreon to create income streams for themselves. Here's the thing, though: this is still all still rooted in capitalism. Consumers will only consider paying for content if they like that content. As an artist, your potential reach is limited by how palatable and consistent your product is. You guessed it: this leads to sameness. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had the freedom to create what we needed to create without the pressure of sales? I salute everyone working that day job and creating on the side, everyone publishing free blog posts just for the love of it, everyone who tries new things and shares them without guarantee of payment and success.

When I discover someone who is doing something I have never seen before, I jump with joy. People like Maira Kalman, Ella Frances Sanders (her newsletter is the best I have read), and this guy who writes a daily story on his typewriter. There are people making giant artworks and embarking on ridiculous life experiments for no reason other than they think it will be fun or interesting. And that is the way to live, my friends! My antidote to sameness is limiting what I consume online. Short videos (reels and the like) have been creeping in, so I now avoid them at all costs. I try to only go on Instagram when I have to post something for my business. I stick to YouTube videos by channels I am subscribed to. And of course, I love everyone's blogs about their everyday lives. What other artists should I be paying attention to?

In other news, I picked up my final pottery pieces, which are the most functional I have made such far. I dream of a day I can have my own pottery setup at home, but I know I don't have the time or space for that in my life right now. I love that I can see improvement from the several months I took classes. I will have to pause my practice for now, however, as flower season has started.

Tulips were fast and furious, then over in 3 weeks. Every year I say I'm not going to grow them anymore, and then I few weeks later I put in my order for next year.

I picked up this typewriter at a local thrift store for only $10! I didn't need a typewriter, but who could say no to this beauty from the 1970s? After I installed a new ribbon, it works like a charm.

I finally finished spinning this fiber that was on my wheel since 2020. It's a 3-ply that worked out to about a heavy fingering, so if you are a spinner, you know those are verrrrrry thin singles and why it took me so long to spin this 4 ounces. I'm not enthused by spinning these days (if this is not the perfect illustrative example) but I'm keeping my wheels (plural) because you never know what will inspire.

I also finished up this giant shawl I've been knitting all winter. The pattern is Lake Constance and the yarns are a mismash of various things I had in my stash; I do know that the gradient is Stroll from Knitpicks. The shawl turned out way bigger than I usually knit shawls, but I didn't even finish the pattern! I knew I had to stop early before it took over. I am going to pause on knitting shawls for the time being and work on more wearable knits to incorporate into my dream handmade wardrobe. 

I hope you all are having some warmer temperatures where you are. Coming out of the dark and dreary winter is the best feeling!

Reading Lately: Winter 2024

Reading Lately

On January first I woke up and something had happened to my brain. It turned back on! After spending a lot of the past year reading fast, short, catchy, and new books, I started craving slower literary fiction that would make me think. I am still sprinkling in plenty of memoir and mysteries, consciously avoiding the call of the New Titles shelf at the library and the "must reads" that publishers are trying to sell us. I've logged over 1,000 books since I started tracking my reading, so it's about time to start trusting myself to know what I like.

I read more than these eight titles during the first quarter of the year but these are my favorites:

Fates and Furies by Lauren Groff: This has been one of my favorite books since I first read it in 2015. I have been wanted to re-read my favorites to see if they stand the test of time, so I checked this out on audio. It turns out I had forgotten a lot about the plot of this book so it was just as enjoyable reading it the second time. The book is the story of Lotto and Mathilde's marriage, told from both of their perspectives. The characters in this book have so many secrets and are not likeable, but I'm of the belief that unlikeable characters does not equal a "bad" book. Groff's writing is absolutely beautiful and the characterization perfect. 

Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout: Everyone loves Olive and now I understand why. Told in interconnecting stories, this book is about a small town and its inhabitants, with Olive playing a role in most of the townspeople's lives. Grumpy and sometimes downright mean, she has a good heart hardened by a difficult past. She is one of the most real characters I've ever read. I'm looking forward to reading more by Strout.

Dinosaurs by Lydia Millet: Usually when I pick up books randomly they are a miss, but I was pleasantly surprised by this one. This is the story of Gil, who walks from New York to Arizona after a breakup. As it turns out, he's very rich and doesn't have to work for a living. He forms a relationship with the family next door, who he watches through their glass-walled living room. This sounds creepy, but it's not! Gil is such a nice man, and uses his privilege to volunteer and help others. This was a slow-ish read, but not boring. I think the world needs more novels about nice people.

North Woods by Daniel Mason: Another novel told in interconnecting stories, this is a book not about people, but the land. Mason follows one parcel of land in Western Massachusetts over hundreds of years, describing the evolution of a house and the people who occupy it. Most of the stories are completely captivating and original, but my favorite thing about this book is how Mason respects the reader's intelligence. He doesn't explain everything outright, but trusts that if you read closely, you pick up on the full story. This is my pick for the Pulitzer this year, I hope I'm right!

River East, River West by Aube Rey Lescure: This book is told in two timelines, one following 14-year-old Alva in 2007 Shanghai, and the other from 1985 moving forward, telling the story of Lu Fang, Alva's stepfather. Alva is mixed race: her unknown father is Chinese and her mother is white American. The coming of age story isn't unique in itself, but the setting is not something I knew a lot about which made the book compelling. There is a lot of history and secrets that are revealed as time goes on. I don't think this will win the Women's Prize, but I'm glad I was introduced to this book through its nomination on the longlist.

Survive the Savage Sea by Dougal Robertson: Continuing on my mission to read every lost at sea survival story ever written, I picked up this memoir written in the early 70s. When whales sink their boat, a husband and wife, their twin sons, and a young man who was helping them on their boat survive 37 days on the ocean. This was the first survival book I have read involving children (I think they were around 12) and that added a higher element of stress. Having hope for rescue and putting all your effort into survival seems like the common theme among all these books. Also, knowing what you are doing - I have no idea how someone can navigate and sail in a certain direction without any tools, but this guy did it and saved his family!

The Sound of Gravel by Ruth Wariner: So many trigger warnings for this book about the author's life growing up in a polygamous cult in Mexico. With countless siblings and half-siblings, Wariner's family is in constant danger from abhorrent living conditions, frequent traveling, an abusive stepfather, and poverty. Wariner is sexually abused and describes the abuse exactly, which is sickening to read, so heads up if this is something that you want to avoid. I felt so much anger toward the adults in this situation who didn't act to stop these awful things. Eventually, Ruth escapes with her youngest siblings and raises them herself. This book reminded me of Educated by Tara Westover, where the beliefs of adults lead to their inability to protect their children, and ultimately lead to tragedy.

A Ghost in the Throat by Dorieann Ní Ghríofa: For some reason I thought this book was fiction when I picked it up, but it's actually a memoir. Combining the author's experience of motherhood with the life of an 18th-century female poet, this book has a hauntingly beautiful quality. Ní Ghríofa is a poet and this fact shines through in her writing. One reason why I personally enjoyed this so much is because I studied abroad in Ireland at University College Cork, which is the same university that the author attended. We are exactly the same age so I can only assume we were there at the same time - the mentions of places in Cork that I remember drew me back to this time.

Women's Prize Longlist 2024

I have never been too interested in literary prizes in the past, but after reading so many excellent blog posts and watching reading review videos I have caught the bug. Like many other readers, I had not heard of most of the books on the Women's Prize Longlist for 2024. It was fun to go through the list and identify the most intriguing ones to add to my TBR stack. I won't be reading all 16 books; more likely about half of them, because I'm not about forcing myself to read something I am not interested in. My library had several of them and I ordered Soldier Sailor and The Maiden from Blackwells since I couldn't find a way to access these titles otherwise. A few others (Ordinary Human Failings and 8 Lives of a Century-Old Trickster) I reserved on audio.

So far I have finished River East, River West (loved-see above!) and am halfway through The Wren, The Wren. I am losing interest in this one: the writing is beautiful and unique, but it's not enough to un-bore me. I am not connecting with any of the characters and am really over the "messy millennial" trope. I am willing to overlook a lack of plot if the characters are well-drawn and fascinating, but I feel like I've read this story before. I have also started Brotherless Night, which is set amid the Sri Lankan civil war, and I think it's going to be a great read.

I love that so many of the longlist titles take place across the globe and are by new-to-me authors. I definitely will not finish most of these by the time the shortlist is announced on April 24. Are you reading any prize lists this year?

Late Winter

I recently finished my second ceramics class, an 8-week series. I spent my last class in the glazing room with several other students, finishing up our projects. Questions and advice flew from one woman to another as we made decisions about what glazes to avoid, what to layer, how to finish the bottoms of our pieces. A young student in her early twenties timidly asked us older ladies for guidance, so nervous about making a mistake. I wanted to tell her that in general mistakes are not a big deal, and us middle-aged ladies love sharing what we know - but that confidence comes with time and boy, am I glad I'm not 20 anymore.

I loved my teacher for this class, a no-nonsense lady in her 70s. She is one of those few teachers who can read her students and strike the perfect balance between offering advice and encouragement, and allowing us to make our own discoveries. I'm not thrilled at how my mugs came out, but I sure learned a lot by making them. Surprisingly, I've found myself less attached to the final products than I thought I would be. I think this comes from knowing that the first knitted object will be wonky, and the 100th will be glorious. That the first flower bouquet will be uninspired, but the 200th and 300th might be something special. It's now time to focus on the flowers, but I hope to return to the ceramics studio in the fall to keep learning.

I think we underestimate how important it is to find the people who are interested in the same things as we are. I have a wonderful group of friends who are all artists in different ways - writers and cooks and home designers - but there was something special about being in a room with six people all covered with clay, discussing the best brand of underglaze.

I am also a member of my state's cut flower grower's association, predictably full of flower nerds of all types. But, getting a group of farmers off their farms and into the same room is virtually impossible. And once the flowers start blooming, we're all off in our own worlds. Is there a particular interest you have? Skydiving or weaving or ultramarathoning? Find your people - it will make all the difference. If you're an introvert like me and nervous at the thought of joining a group of knitters or runners or potters that you've never met, trust me, it's worth it.

We had proper snow in January, so much that the school district exceeded their planned TWO snow days. (Climate change is real but that's overly optimistic in a district that has literally closed for wind.) We now have an "asynchronous learning" day to make up for the snow day. No one really knows what that means but sure, I bet the kids are all going to be studiously doing their work at home. Remember that time there was a pandemic and we all had our kids trying to do online school for a year while we also tried to work and take care of a toddler at the same time? Actually, let's not remember that.

A few weekends ago the kids were at their grandparents' house, and I had a lovely solo day. I went to visit a flower subscriber who is also a yarn dyer at an event she was holding at her studio. We ended up chatting for an hour! (Of course I also bought some yarn.) After stopping at Tractor Supply to buy chicken wire to keep rabbits out of the tulip bed, I took a short hike at a local park. I think these pictures illustrate the hardest part of winter in this region. It's brown. So brown. We rarely get snow to brighten the landscape, and for the majority of the days the sky is also gray. 

The daffodils are about to bloom, I have 4 yards of compost in the driveway, and 800 seedlings in the basement. Brighter days are not far off now.